Albert's Greenhouse

Let it not be said that I have a black thumb, for there is one kind of plant that I excel at growing. That would be the kind of plant that is refered to scientifically as the Weedacae, or weedy plants.

The Weedacae are grouped into several tribes, each containing too many genera to mention, so the choice of the grower of Weedacae is indeed both broad and deep. No matter what the growing conditions, you can easily find a member of the Weedacae which will thrive and even plentifully multiply. The family Weedacae encompasses many plant morphologies, including both flowering plants and pteridophytes, vines, succulents, trees, sticker bushes and even unicellular organisms.

The families of the Weedacae are as follows:

Turfverminiceae - this vast, though difficult to spot when not in flower, tribe contains mostly plants with flat leaves that stand less than 2" high. Here, too, we find members of the oxalis and well as dandelions and crabgrass. The operational imperitive for these plants is to grow low enough to avoid decapitation by the lawnmower while producing flower and seed in less than the typical two week lawn maintenance cycle. They like lots of water and fertilizer, and some partial shade as provided by lawn grass.

Potscourgia - Well adapted to life in containers, the members of this family include many plants with explosive or sticky seed capsules which aid in dispersal and entangling roots and stems. The oxalis is a typical member of this tribe, spreading by both sticky, exploding seed capsules and runners to dominate whatever container it finds itself in. Certain ferns are also members of this family.

Butitsatreeaceae - Bushy shrubs to tall trees, the members of this family thrive by putting forward the theory that if it's going to be a tree, it must be the "good" kind of volunteer. We wouldn't want to chop down a nice green tree, now would we? Even a small one must be saved in case it bears fruit or grants shade.

Spinybastardae - Includes the thistles, the brambles, cactacae, certain nettles and some ornamental nightshades. Characterized by spines which can penetrate thick leather gardening gloves, trousers, and 1/2" hardened steel tank armor. Best approached from a distance with a horticultural flame thrower.